A Mothers' Vent again

Last week's vent was not necessarily something that I am proud about. It had been a tumultuous week, needless to say. My eldest had been diagnosed with Manic Bi-Polar, Schizophrenia. My first born, my brilliant, most talented child. Beautiful, eccentric, but ill. Very ill and of course will not take her meds. She is 18...there is nothing I can do but try and gain guardianship for her. But as usual it is easier to walk down the street with a bottle of Jack, in a bunny suit pulling 10 Kangaroos on leashes than it is too gain real mental health care. As well as that unfortunate situation, another inevitable undesirable, sad, life altering situation occurred; my father at the age of 81 passed away without any of his children by his side. As I stated it was a tumultuous week and again, if I hurt anyone's feelings or was not politically aware or respectful I apologize.

Now for the real vent. We slave as mothers out of love. We go through the nine months of change and loving from the moment we know we have another incredible life inside of us (what a gift...I think I would feel cheated had I not been a women...just to give birth) we go through the pain, real pain of giving birth, we deplete our natural God given resources until they are no longer viable until the next pregnancy, we cook, clean, change diapers, wake in the middle of the night regardless if they are crying or not...we wake because it is what we do, we kiss the booboo’s, we hurt when they hurt, we give guidance, we give advice, we praise and praise and give them everything that we are...just for them because we created them they are ours. Until they are no longer ours. That is usually around 14 maybe 15. We are no longer the center of their universe, there are rare moments when they stroke our arm and ask if we are ok? It is rare when their sentences begin with "us..".it is usually now "I" or "what." I need this, I need that, what about me, what about the new clothes you promised, I need a car when I turn 16, I think you are stupid, I am right you are wrong, what about my party, what about my allowance...oh I forgot the "can I...do this, do that, go here, go there...so and so's mom said she could, he could, they could."

Perhaps if they did not go through this mind blowing, frustrating phase from about age 14 to 24 maybe, just maybe I would not be the parent I thought I was. I am accepting of the 'I" and the "what" and the everything that they come up with because they are growing up and recognizing themselves as individuals. It is hard, sad but a very real part of being a parent to let go and let them make their own decisions...even when you tell them that decision is going to bite them in the behind. It has been a hell of a ride having to let go of even one, but I guess that is what it means to give life and get old (er).

My children were going through old photos and came across this one. This was 1999, it was the night before I was leaving for France for a week to attend a seminar in regards to Anthropology. That was the first time I had ever left my children for more than a night which was for giving birth to another most loved child. Wild. Wild. Wild. Ok, I changed the rotation in "paint" but it did not occure here.